In a world where more and more failures of a couple, learn to love one another becomes a great adventure, in addition to heart requires head, said the Spanish philosopher Thomas Melendo.
A divorce for every three marriages per year would put Chile among the countries with the highest rates of marital breakdown in the world. A reality explains the causes of which the Spanish philosopher Thomas Melendo an architectural analogy: "The construction material is not very good and there is no clear plan of what is intended."
If you think about it is like building a house, if it has a good foundation the house is cracking and falling with an earthquake.
There are also cases that are older is that many young people have been raised by parents who fill their whims and eliminate any potential path to a problem, at least they lack the vigor and strength to withstand the difference given between two people who have lived in different families. "
The lack of a clear project, meanwhile, has its origin in people as too focused on myself, who are unable to combine the romantic dream of us and a common project. "
Melendo has spent more than 20 years and dozens of books to reflect on the family and married life. "It's a topic that I am in large part because I can live," he says, alluding to the nearly thirty years he has been married - and increasingly in love "- with the philosopher also Lourdes Millán-Puelles, who has seven children and three grandchildren.
Both are authors, among other books, "Securing love" (Ed. Trillas), where, according to the architectural metaphor, suggest that a happy marriage is not by chance, but the result of what both have been able to build day after day. "
And in this task, they say, the pure heart is not enough. "We have also put their heads and learn together to overcome differences and take advantage of the difficulties."
The great adventure
Melendo in Chile, who was invited to the conference "Education of the nature and affection" in the Universidad de los Andes, "argues that" learning to love is the great adventure of the world. "
An adventure in the married life is far from cliché to continue loving each other like when they were dating. "That's absurd!" If I want is to be my partner every day when we were dating, "he exclaims. To do so, provides some secrets.
DAILY DETAILS
Every day you have to spend a few seconds to see what special feature you can have towards the couple. It can be a phone call, a small gift. "It's not important that it is something new every day. The important thing is that with these acts which are renewed affection, and there comes a point where they become a habit in the positive sense."
EXCLUSIVE AREA
It is essential to make an exclusive daily time to be with the couple. "For me, it's time for lunch and when we went to bed," exemplifies. These moments of conversation and meetings are to love each expressly and directly. In them, "the couple can enjoy themselves in every way."
SHORT BREAKS
Melendo recommends a couple of trips a year to engage in full on the other. "That sort of thing, some are looking outside of marriage, they must be made within, because that's what love can grow."
THE COUPLE COMES FIRST
It is necessary to establish an order in love, ideas, material and time use. "If the couple is first, always go to prioritize time for her."
DO NOT SEE WHERE THE DEFECT IS
The differences of the other must welcome and encourage their ways. Not mine, because it is the way she will grow. " Its limitations, must therefore assume, "for all human beings have them and it is absurd to ask someone else what he can not give." The real flaws, however, are those that harm the loved and those around you, not what I do not like.
SEXUAL LIFE
"Love is wanting the good for the other." In sexual life, this means keep an eye over others and their self-rhythms.
INTIMACY WITH OTHERS
"Everything I do with my wife, by virtue of being my wife, I try not to do with anyone else," says Melendo. This happens, for example, "to avoid opening the door to moments of intimacy with the opposite sex that may lead to finish doing something that is not appropriate."
"With the couple is living the good and the bad. If you start to share with another person only happy moments, not only falls into the trap to the couple but also in self-deception."
WANT TO HELP ME
"The best way to love another is to make it easy to love me." That happens, for instance, for example, ask for forgiveness if mistakes were made and to be available when the other needs you.
A lesson for children
"If I want to help my children grow, I love my wife. It is a metaphysical principle: if the children are the result of mutual love, their growth is also the fruit of love," says Thomas Melendo.
In fact, he adds, "sex education for children is not information but the way they see that married couples are treated. That happens not to lift his voice in front of them, that children see that the first thing I do when I get home is to ask for it and show them that their parents are treated with love and are a priority for each other. "
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